With thanks to my village...

When we talk about raising kids, it really does take a village.  When I think back to when my own kids were little, I realize that I couldn't have made it through without my mom friends. I wouldn't have known when it was time to give my baby cheerios, or that it was ok to let her cry for a bit if I was just finishing something up. As the kids got older, I had a bunco group that kept me up to date on what was happening at the high school and I had a Mom's Night Out group who kept me sane.  My friends who would bring their kids over for the afternoon so I could have a playdate, too, and then stayed for dinner and baths were my lifeline...and I could give you so many more examples!  It is with thanks to my village that I write this post today and I hope that you, too, have a village who saves your life each day and restores your sanity!!  Feel free to tag your friends with a word of thanks here!!!


Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT
www.BalancedParenting.com

Spanking...yay or nay?

Spanking is still a very controversial and heated discussion for many. My belief is that spanking doesn't teach kids anything useful looking forward. When would they be able to use the tool of hitting someone in an appropriate setting? All healthy parenting tools should be applicable to other situations and parents are constantly modeling how to handle themselves and their feelings. Feel free to disagree with me. What are your thoughts about this article?


http://news.utexas.edu/2016/04/25/risks-of-harm-from-spanking-confirmed-by-researchers


Wishing you balance,


Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT
www.BalancedParenting.com

Blame It On Rio 2016!

The Olympics are over and I have to say that I'm grieving the loss a bit. It was an emotional ride that I would take again and again. The triumph, the defeat, the pride, the patriotism, the comraderie, the talent, the commitment, the determination, the laser-sharp focus...I could go on and on. I know there were a few blemishes, but don't let the media attention to those moments overshadow the big picture of what an amazing ritual-filled coming together the Olympics are to the whole world.  This is the kind of thing kids should be allowed to watch for hours (with parental editorials, of course!) I hope you shed a few tears like I did (ok, more than a few!) and were inspired to push yourselves a little further than you might have before.  Feel free to share your favorite events, moments, or any Olympics related thoughts with us!

Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT
www.BalancedParenting.com

It's Honeymoon Time!

Ok, here comes school for many and some have already begun.  My own daughter starts next Wednesday.  There is an excitement and a little nervous energy associated with the start of school which leads the way into what I call "the honeymoon".  The first month or so is everyone getting used to the new year, new teachers, new classes, new routines, new friends, etc...Lots to process and take in for those more sensitive students. After the first month the novelty wears off and kids begin to test the limits and show their struggles. Be aware and attempt to be proactive if you see your child struggling with academics, socially or behaviorally. Remember this post a month from now and I'll do my best to remember to remind you. Parents, enjoy the honeymoon! <3 nbsp="" span="">

Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT

www.BalancedParenting.com

from MOMIPEDIA post on Facebook

Adaptability

It’s the beginning of a new school year and some kids roll with it better than others. Change is the only constant, right? Our ability to adjust to new situations depends very much on our level of adaptability.  The good news is that for those of us for whom change is challenging, we can increase our adaptability with some effort. 

We must be able to: respond to sudden changes in our circumstances; keep calm in the face of difficulties; shift priorities in the face of changing situations, and much more.  How do we help our kids for whom flexibility is not their greatest strength? 

We need to help our kids (and ourselves) to practice greater levels of patience; to see change as a positive (which requires optimism); to keep an open mind; and to bounce back as quickly as possible when the unexpected happens.  Simply an awareness of wanting to improve our skills in these areas is a great beginning. Breathe…relax…and let life roll on!

Wishing you balance,


Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT
www.BalancedParenting.com


from MOMIPEDIA post on Facebook 8-10-16

'Tis the Season for...ANXIETY!

The beginning of the new school year is a common time for kids and parents to experience anxiety.  The parents are anxious that kids will be happy and thrive in their new grade, new school, with new friends, etc...  Kids are anxious about all of the unknowns, their new teachers, new kids, new school, new classroom, everything is new even if they went to that school last year.  For kids who experience anxiety, as a rule, it's especially challenging.  Their anxiety that may have been a bit lower in the summer is back with a vengeance! 

Here are a few tips to help your kids and yourself deal with this very anxious time of year!

• Manage your expectations of your kids and situations realistically
• Make sure you are taking good care of yourself to ensure maximum patience with your kids
• Take time away if you need it, meditate, exercise...self-care is of paramount importance, not a luxury
• When your child is expressing anxious feelings, don't try to reason with him/her.  Combatting logic with feelings never works!
• Stay in a place of compassion - "I know this is hard!" "Do you need a hug?" "New things can be scary!"
• Don't change plans to accommodate anxiety unless absolutely necessary.  Kids have to learn that their anxiety doesn't change the circumstance, it just takes the fun out of it.

This is a stressful time of year for parents and kids alike.  The more preparation and proactive planning there is, the happier everyone will be!!

Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT

www.BalancedParenting.com

The Bridge to Connectedness...

I love when a theme emerges with my clients and this month's theme has been about feeling "safe" in relationships. When we use respect with each other and truly cherish our partners' and our kids' strengths AND weaknesses, we make them feel SAFE with us. They feel able to be honest, able to be vulnerable without fear and able to open their hearts and share with us; this is what leads to true connectedness and intimacy in relationships.  This is what we all crave and yearn for from those we love. Look inward at how you might make your partner or kids feel "unsafe" with you and work to hold your tongue when criticism or harshness comes. Your compassion and unconditional love are your greatest bridges to true connectedness.

Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT, BCPC
www.BalancedParenting.com



from MOMIPEDIA on Facebook 7-27-16

Respect at all times!

Respect at all times! How can we expect our kids to be respectful of us if we are not respectful of them? We don't deserve respect just because we are the parents, we have to earn it, too, and model how to do that for our kids. Use a respectful tone of voice; choose your words and timing wisely before making a request of your child; remember that just because something is important to you, doesn't mean it is important to your child or important to others. Remember that those with whom we live deserve as much loving respect and more as those we meet on the street.

Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT
www.BalancedParenting.com

A Different Kind of Independence - Letting Go!

What do you fiercely hold on to that you should be letting go of? There's been a theme in my office this week of people struggling to let go...of something.  Sometimes it's an event in the past, or a grudge that we hold on to even if we forgot why, or a thing that holds sentimental value or none, or a story that we tell ourselves that we don't want to challenge or question. There is much that we hold onto that drains our energy or drains our relationships or drains us financially. Independence Day can mean many different types of independence.  How about a healthy letting go of something that no longer serves us?  What do you want to let go of today?


Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT
www.BalancedParenting.com

from MOMIPEDIA post on Facebook
7-6-16

Independence Day is Every Day!

Here in the U.S. of A. we are celebrating Independence Day!  What is independence?  The dictionary defines it as freedom from the control, influence, support, or aid of others.  As a country, we are still figuring things out, but how are you doing within your family? Are you fostering independence in your kids?

At every age and developmental stage there are things our kids should be able to do on their own.  It's a long road to adulthood, but shorter than it looks.  We have to begin the process early on so that once they get to the later teen years and are looking for more independence, we want them to have had a lot of practice.

• In infancy, we need to teach our babies to play by themselves for periods of time and to fall asleep on their own.
• As toddlers, we want them to dress themselves, feed themselves and to take on small responsibilities like putting dirty clothes in the hamper or putting their toys away. 
• During the school-age years, we want kids to do their homework themselves, to remember their jackets at school, to help make their lunches and to help more around the house (increasing each year)
• During the middle school years we want our tweens to be independent students (asking for help when needed, of course), to wash their own gym clothes and to take more responsibilities around the house - setting/clearing the table for dinner, folding their laundry, yard work, etc...
• During the high school years, kids should be doing their own laundry, beginning to manage their money (with guidance), making business-type phone calls, managing their time, and many other skills that they will need once they go to college or move out of the home, so that they can navigate life without our control or aid.

Many parents struggle to encourage independence in their kids because they fear they will no longer be needed or they fear their child will fail.  The truth is, we are working to put ourselves out of a job, but not to end the relationship!  We want to love on our kids forevermore and that's great! We just don't want them to "need" us to get through each day.  If you do want that, you need to ask yourself why and what fulfillment is lacking in your own life.  Don't ask your kids to fill you up - you fill yourself up and give your kids the space to make a life for themselves.

Wishing you balance,

Bette Alkazian, LMFT

www.BalancedParenting.com
4

Reacting vs. Responding

A life of raising kids is certainly filled with adventure! You never know what is going to come at you! The true test of balanced parenthood is being able to keep our heads on straight when times get challenging.  The key is to RESPOND to situations, not to REACT to them.  What’s the difference?  Sometimes, it’s simply taking a second to take a breath, let our anxious heads have a minute to settle in with the situation and then making a clear and concise decision about how to handle something rather than the typical knee-jerk reactions we are usually likely to employ.  But how do we do that when we are in the moment? The key is less in the moment than in other moments.  When we take good care of ourselves on a day to day basis – rest, exercise, healthy food, self-care, nourishing relationships, etc…we are more likely to have the internal resources to stay centered in a “knock-you-off-your-feet” moment.  What have you found works best for helping you to stay calm in those crazy moments?

Wishing you balance,

Bette Alkazian, LMFT
Balanced Parenting
www.BalancedParenting.com

from MOMIPEDIA post on Facebook
6-15-16

Talking to Kids About Terrorism

Terrorism and kids. What do we tell our kids about such horrible events in the news such as the Orlando shooting? Of course, only as is age-appropriate, we tell them the truth. There are people who hate and who want to destroy and do it with notoriety. It's is heartbreaking to know that some people don't value life in the same ways we do. We must talk about that with our kids and remind them that there are so many more good people than bad in this world. It should be a conversation that continues over time, but always remember to point out the good people who step in to help and repair the communities who are wounded. We all need to be those helpers and repairers.

Mr. Rogers said: "When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'"

Wishing you balance,

Bette Alkazian, LMFT
Balanced Parenting
www.BalancedParenting.com

Growing up and growing away...

Let's talk about separation anxiety - not just for our kids, but for us parents, too! Every level of development brings with it a new level of separation. Birth: we cut the umbilical cord and literally separate our bodies from one another; weaning: we separate from the closeness of nursing and have to find other ways to be close and to feel connected with our babies; preschool/day care: our little ...ones begin to have a life separate from us and we no longer know everything they have seen or heard; grade school/middle school/high school: all bring with them new and greater levels of separation; college: our kids often move out and begin to make a life for themselves outside of our homes. These are all healthy and happy separations, but there is a level of grief that comes with each stage for parents.

My youngest daughter got her drivers' license last week. She is a very independent spirit and I have hardly seen her in the past week. After spending lots of time together, she doesn't need me anymore for transportation or driving practice. She is also my youngest child and I have been experiencing a deep sadness that goes with this latest developmental stage. I'm happy for her and she's ready for this...I'm not so sure I was. I'm keeping the perspective that all is well and I know that each separation is healthy to prepare my kids to make independent lives - which I DO want for them! It's ok if I shed a tear, too!

Please share your thoughts and personal stories, so I know I'm not alone!

Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT
www.BalancedParenting.com


from MOMIPEDIA post on Facebook 5/25/16

It's all about optimism!

Let's talk about optimism and faith. So many people suffer today with depression. Inherent in depression is hopelessness. We must teach our children a sense of optimism, faith that things won't always stay the same, and a hopefulness in life and the future.  Talk to them about the impermanence of feelings and that there is always hope in the new day.  This basic knowing that, as parents, we can infuse in them with lots of repetition, can actually prevent depression in our kids later in life.

Here are a few tips:

• Practice gratitude daily either at the dinner table or before bed;
• point out the blessings in the challenges that happen every day;
• remind your kids that feelings are fleeting and what makes them sad today will be only a memory tomorrow. 

Please share your tools of optimism with all of us!

Wishing you balance,

Bette Alkazian, LMFT

Balanced Parenting

www.BalancedParenting.com

from MOMIPEDIA post on Facebook

The Guile of Guilt

Today let's talk about mommy guilt!  We have so many outside influences telling us we are falling short, less than or never enough. Our inside voices are even more cruel when we self-judge or experience shame around our parenting. Today, give yourself a break and tell yourself that YOU ARE ENOUGH! We are all doing the best we can.  Take one small step to do something you've been wanting to do, but just haven't. That will make you feel better that you are taking an action! Action is the best antidote to guilt and anxiety!  What do you feel guilty about most?

Wishing you balance,

Bette Alkazian, LMFT
Balanced Parenting
www.BalancedParenting.com

from MOMIPEDIA on Facebook

Manage your expectations...

  I often say to my clients, "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior." It's so true.  Often, we hope that people will behave differently than in the past, but we forget that it's very unlikely and we become disappointed and frustrated.  The best thing you can do is to MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS REALISTICALLY based upon people's past behavior. If you expect something different, then you are the fool.  If you put this into practice you will find that you will be disappointed by people a lot less often.

This is a very common way that I see people set others up for failure in relationships.  When our expectations are unrealistic, we become quickly angry and disappointed and really the person is being consistent with who they always are.

Watch for this in your own relationships!

Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT, BCPC

Balanced Parenting

www.BalancedParenting.com

#parenting  #relationships

from MOMIPEDIA post on Facebook 4/27/16

How are you inconsistent?

Let's talk about being consistent. What happens when we are inconsistent with our kids? I remember when my kids were little and I would say we are leaving in 5 minutes. Then, I would talk to my friends for another 30 minutes. Then, when I was actually needing to leave, my kids didn't listen to me and I got mad. I wonder why! Because I said we were leaving so many times before when we didn't actually leave. Why should they believe me this time? In what ways might you be setting your kids up to fail like I did? When you say something, follow through or tell them that the plans have changed. Kids need to be able to trust our words. Please share with us here how you struggle to follow through or to be consistent with your kids.

Wishing you balance,

Bette Alkazian, LMFT

Balanced Parenting

www.BalancedParenting.com

Posted from MOMIPEDIA on Facebook

Surly kids!

Surly kids! Our kids get cranky for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they are hungry, tired or just overcooked from a long day at school. Other times, our kids are overwhelmed from too much stimulation, too much homework or too many demands on them. In addition, anxiety usually shows up in kids as anger or defiance.  So, here's the bottom line: our kids' behavior is attempting to tell us something. It's our job to stay out of the behavior and rather than discipline them, reflect back what you think might be going on. "I think you've had a long day." Don't take their disrespect personally and help them to become insightful about what's triggering them for themselves. Then, in a happier moment, brainstorm some strategies for the next time. This parenting thing isn't for the faint of heart!

Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT, BCPC
Balanced Parenting
www.BalancedParenting.com

from MOMIPEDIA post on Facebook 4-6-16

When Life Throws Us Curve Balls...

Life is filled with surprises!  I know I don't have to tell you that. The true test of our strength and resilience is in how we manage the curve balls as they are coming at us and afterward.

The curve balls of life are not always welcomed, but I've learned that what is is and we have to deal with it.  We cannot curl into a ball and shut down in grief, fear or sorrow.  We have to keep putting one foot in front of the other whether we feel we can or not.  In my family, we have faced job loss, divorce, terminal illness, death, mental illness, challenges with our kids and all the rest that life throws at many of us.

This survival instinct to keep on going, no matter what, is what I worry about for our kids the most.  I see many parents insulating their kids from the sorrows of life or sugar-coating them for fear of their children's fear or inability to cope.  Perhaps these curve balls come at us repeatedly, at times, so that we have multiple chances in which we are able to build our coping skills as well as our children's.  Anytime we avoid an opportunity we are missing the chance to teach our kids what they will need most when they are adults and, ultimately, when we are gone.

I know...this is getting a bit depressing, but doesn't life get that way sometimes? What are the coping skills we can use right now to counter the effects of this newsletter?

• We can take a deep breath
• Go straight to gratitude to remember all that is good right now
• You could journal about this horrible woman who sent you a newsletter that sent you into a tailspin
• You could have a good cry
• We could choose laughter - go watch a funny movie or go to YouTube and watch a comedian perform for a few minutes (this releases happy chemicals in your brain!)
• Go outside and look at the beauty all around you - nature is the most healing tool you have and it's right there all the time
• Go for a walk or a run or go to the gym - exercise releases beautiful endorphins that relieve stress and make you feel happy
• We can sit with the truth and the sadness and trust that things won't always feel this way (Optimism! The ultimate depression-buster!)

Look, I just gave you some great tools not only for you, but for you to teach your kids, too!  This is the antidote to sadness and depression and your kids must have these tools in their pockets for their lives as they grow.  Instead of fearing their sad feelings, remember to be grateful that they are gaining the chance to grow stronger and better able to cope with this challenging school called LIFE!

Wishing you balance,
Bette Alkazian, LMFT
www.BalancedParenting.com

from the April, 2016 Balanced Parenting Newsletter

Growing Self-Esteem in our Kids!

Self-esteem! How do we grow it in our kids? First, we give them opportunities to do things for themselves.  When we step in and "help" or take over altogether, we rob them of the chance to feel good about doing something for themselves. We have to tolerate their frustration, allow them to be uncomfortable and let them get to the "I DID IT!" Stepping in communicates to our kids that we don't have faith in them.  We want them to have faith in themselves so we have to have faith first. Before offering assistance, ask if they'd like your help and then be sure to give them the space to try for themselves the next time. Express your confidence in them and stay out as much as possible. Listen for those times when your kids are proud of themselves and then please share with us here!

Wishing you balance,

Bette Alkazian, LMFT
Balanced Parenting
www.BalancedParenting.com


From MOMIPEDIA on Facebook

Meltdowns!

Meltdowns! No one likes them and some parents feel assaulted by them when their kids are having a hard time. Here's a new way of looking at them that will hopefully give you some more patience and understanding. Lots of kids hold themselves together all day at school - swallowing their anxiety and even holding back tears, at times.  When they see Mom or Dad, they feel safe to let it out, hence, the after-school meltdown, the after-sleepover meltdown, the after-birthday party meltdown, etc... Our kids are just releasing what they've been holding in all day. Make the observation for them that they need to release their big feelings from the whole day (before or after the meltdown) and give them options for the future.  For example, a game of one-on-one, a bike ride or anything physical; a good chat about what was hard about the day; a creative outlet like drawing, painting, writing... Help your kids to navigate their big feelings without taking their behavior personally.

Wishing you balance,

Bette Alkazian, LMFT
Balanced Parenting
www.BalancedParenting.com

from MOMIPEDIA on Facebook

Overwhelmed?

I'm seeing a lot of "Mommy Overwhelm" in the past couple of weeks.  I never know why things come in waves in my practice, but perhaps the winds in Southern California have kicked up a bit of energy that's making people feel disorganized, out-of-sorts and just plain ol' "crazy".  The best thing to do when these feelings come on is to focus on self-care. A bubble bath, a bit of meditation or yoga, or some quiet time of just being still to shift the energy inside you from what is going on around you.  Be intentional about your self care because when you're settled, it will be easier for your kids to settle, too.  Om....

Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT, BCPC
Balanced Parenting
www.BalancedParenting.com

from MOMIPEDIA post on Facebook

Raising Teens and Tweens - what a ride!

As our kids become tweens and teens and head to middle school, the rules of parenting change. We go from very directive parenting to more of a guidance or coaching style of parenting.  We have to give our kids the space to figure out who they are, to allow them to make mistakes and learn recovery from those mistakes, and to try on new behaviors like new clothes and decide for themselves how those behaviors feel.  This is a very insecure and uncertain time for t(w)eens and they need us to love them unconditionally while they are behaving in most unlovable ways.  Avoid being critical at all costs while still setting limits and saying “no” when necessary.  Be consistent and keep your kids connected to family as much as possible. Hang on for the wild ride that is parenting teens!

Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT, BCPC

Balanced Parenting
www.BalancedParenting.com

from MOMIPEDIA post

Little Lies are a Big Deal!

Do you lie to your kids? Even those little white lies about the cookies being all gone or the lie that enables you to slip out of their rooms at bedtime teach kids two things: 1. That lying is ok; and 2. That you are not someone they can trust or believe.

If you want to raise honest kids, be courageous and tell your kids the truth, parent with confidence in your limits so you don't have to lie or justify your decisions. If you want to raise honest kids, be an honest parent at all times!

Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT
Balanced Parenting
www.BalancedParenting.com

from MOMIPEDIA on Facebook

How does that work for YOU? Parenting Self-Care

What works for you? We are conditioned, especially mothers, to give selflessly; always putting ourselves last. We end up exhausted, resentful and depleted in many ways.  Here is a new way of thinking in making your parenting decisions: How does it work for me? Should I sign my kid up for another activity? How would that work for YOU? Should I let my tween have friends over? How does that work for YOU? Cooking or ordering in dinner? How does that work for YOU?  We must include ourselves in the mix when decision-making. This helps to maintain balance in your family, it is one way that we take care of ourselves while caring for the rest of our world, and it also teaches your kids that you are a human, not just a giving machine that never stops!

Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT
Balanced Parenting
www.BalancedParenting.com

Never feed a behavior you want to stop!

I'm often asked, "How do I get my child to stop ________?" Whether it's whining, being disrespectful, spitting, whatever lovely behavior we want to extinguish completely, we have to stop feeding it. If your child whines to get you to do something and it works, you've just fed it.  If a behavior NEVER works, it will eventually be abandoned.  If it works once in a while or every time, the behavior will continue unendingly.  Here are a few phrases that will help you to get rid of those pesky behaviors once and for all: "I'm happy to listen when you use respectful words." (Then, respectfully ignore them until they make a better choice.) For whining say, "I'll be happy to help you when you can use a happier tone of voice." Never give them what they are asking for when they are using the behavior you are trying to get rid of.  Also, use a neutral tone of voice when you say these things.  Your emotion also feeds the behavior.   When they use a nice tone of voice, thank them for making a better choice and happily give them what they are asking for.  Give lots of positive reinforcement for the behaviors you like! Stay calm and consistent and those annoying behaviors will vanish like magic! 

Wishing you balance,

Bette

www.BalancedParenting. com

from MOMIPEDIA post on Facebook

Love is in the air...

It's February and love is in the air... Our families are our worlds. We love them and show them in so many ways every day.  Can we show TOO MUCH love?  How often do you think about how you show your love? Do you show love with hugs and kisses? Do you show love through your cooking or creating? Do you love to buy things for your family to show them you're thinking of them? Do you write love notes? Perhaps you plan special dates with your kids. We all have different ways of giving love and it's all good, but is too much of a good thing no longer good?  Be sure that how you show love teaches your kids your values.  We often get caught in traps of buying things when really we want to communicate that time together is more important than stuff. Sometimes we want to make things all better for our kids, when really showing love would mean letting them struggle a bit and learn deeper lessons. Loving our kids too much can actually cripple them later in life.   My best advice is to ask yourself what would be best for your kids in the big picture. Do they need to learn this lesson to be stronger and wiser later in life? Would backing out of a situation be better for your child than micro-managing it? Remember the old saying, "Tell me and I forget, teach me and I remember, involve me and I learn." (Benjamin Franklin)  Let your kids experience their lives; don't bubble wrap them, guide them from a distance and hug them close when they hurt. Sending you all much love! Wishing you balance, Bette Alkazian, LMFT Balanced Parenting www.BalancedParenting.com (from my February, 2016 newsletter)

FEAR!!!

Let's talk about FEAR! It effects all of us in some way or another.  What role does fear play in your every day? Are you held hostage by it? Are your decisions based upon it? Are your behaviors driven by it? A little fear is known to be a good thing.  It actually makes us motivated and even perform better on tests.  But, as with anything, too much of a good thing is no longer a good thing.  Are you afraid of bad things happening to your kids? Of course, we all are! But when it keeps you from letting them do new things or limits their exploration and keeps their world TOO small, it's become a problem. Are you afraid of your kids' big feelings? Are you afraid of them being unhappy? Are you afraid of their wrath if you say, "NO"? Rather than letting fear be the driver, take back your power, take some deep breaths and ask a trusted friend if your fear is creating more problems and limitations than it should be.  Take good care of you and get help if necessary to put YOU back in the driver's seat of your life!

Wishing you balance,

Bette Alkazian, LMFT
Balanced Parenting
www.BalancedParenting.com

reposted from MOMIPEDIA on Facebook

Self-Esteem and our Kids

Tonight I'll be speaking at Temple Etz Chaim about Kids and Self-Esteem, so I have self-esteem on my brain. It's been a pop psychology buzz word for so many years, but what is self-esteem, really? It's our sense of who we are, our worth and abilities. Unfortunately, we have so much input telling us if we are good or bad, we aren't sure who or what to listen to. Our goal is to teach our kids (and ourselves) to listen to their guts and their hearts about what is right for them. Our worth isn't about pop culture's definitions of good or cool, it's about our sense of what's right and especially what's right for us! When we like who we are, we have the inner strength to stand up for what we believe in and even to stand up for others who may be wronged. Don't over-praise your kids, they will stop believing you. Compliment their actions, give them the space to struggle and then conquer, have faith in them even when they are having a hard time; let them fail, learn from it and then pull themselves back up. This parenting thing is hard, but if we can resist our temptations to jump in, we create the space for them to like themselves a whole lot!

Wishing you balance,

Bette



from 1-20-16 post on MOMIPEDIA on Facebook

Do it, then feel it!

So, who made some resolutions for 2016? I know I did! It's not just about the resolutions, it's about the changes in our behaviors.  As they say, the road to nowhere is paved with good intentions. As a therapist, quite often I see people saying  "When I feel it, I'll do it.".  "When I have some willpower I'll lose those 15 pounds." "When I'm inspired I'll write that book I've been meaning to write." The truth of the matter is, the action has to come FIRST and the feelings will follow. Just start that project... just eat one healthy meal with no commitment to going further... just write that first page... Don't wait to be caught up in the moment, make the moment happen!

From MOMIPEDIA on Facebook 1-13-16

New Years Resolution for 2016

Happy New Year!  It's been a long time since I've posted here.  I've been focusing more on my Facebook page "Balanced Parenting" as well as posting for Momipedia and doing lots of other writing.  It's a new year and like many of you, I've made some resolutions! One of mine is "full engagement".  It's my new mantra to remember to dive in deeply to whatever it is I'm doing.  Full engagement in my work, full engagement toward my personal and professional goals and full engagement in my life, in general!  Who's with me?  I want to live smarter, engage more deeply in my relationships, honor my body and my "self" in a greater way... and so much more. 

So, one way I'm honoring my work and hoping to help more people is to write here and share a thought or two in the hopes that it touches you, too.  Feel free to comment, subscribe, or share if my words move you.

Happy New Year and let's ENGAGE FULLY together!!!

Wishing you balance,

Bette Alkazian, LMFT
Balanced Parenting

P.S. I'm also revamping my website www.balancedparenting.com, so stay tuned for the big reveal!