Never feed a behavior you want to stop!

I'm often asked, "How do I get my child to stop ________?" Whether it's whining, being disrespectful, spitting, whatever lovely behavior we want to extinguish completely, we have to stop feeding it. If your child whines to get you to do something and it works, you've just fed it.  If a behavior NEVER works, it will eventually be abandoned.  If it works once in a while or every time, the behavior will continue unendingly.  Here are a few phrases that will help you to get rid of those pesky behaviors once and for all: "I'm happy to listen when you use respectful words." (Then, respectfully ignore them until they make a better choice.) For whining say, "I'll be happy to help you when you can use a happier tone of voice." Never give them what they are asking for when they are using the behavior you are trying to get rid of.  Also, use a neutral tone of voice when you say these things.  Your emotion also feeds the behavior.   When they use a nice tone of voice, thank them for making a better choice and happily give them what they are asking for.  Give lots of positive reinforcement for the behaviors you like! Stay calm and consistent and those annoying behaviors will vanish like magic! 

Wishing you balance,

Bette

www.BalancedParenting. com

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