Growing Self-Esteem in our Kids!

Self-esteem! How do we grow it in our kids? First, we give them opportunities to do things for themselves.  When we step in and "help" or take over altogether, we rob them of the chance to feel good about doing something for themselves. We have to tolerate their frustration, allow them to be uncomfortable and let them get to the "I DID IT!" Stepping in communicates to our kids that we don't have faith in them.  We want them to have faith in themselves so we have to have faith first. Before offering assistance, ask if they'd like your help and then be sure to give them the space to try for themselves the next time. Express your confidence in them and stay out as much as possible. Listen for those times when your kids are proud of themselves and then please share with us here!

Wishing you balance,

Bette Alkazian, LMFT
Balanced Parenting
www.BalancedParenting.com


From MOMIPEDIA on Facebook

Meltdowns!

Meltdowns! No one likes them and some parents feel assaulted by them when their kids are having a hard time. Here's a new way of looking at them that will hopefully give you some more patience and understanding. Lots of kids hold themselves together all day at school - swallowing their anxiety and even holding back tears, at times.  When they see Mom or Dad, they feel safe to let it out, hence, the after-school meltdown, the after-sleepover meltdown, the after-birthday party meltdown, etc... Our kids are just releasing what they've been holding in all day. Make the observation for them that they need to release their big feelings from the whole day (before or after the meltdown) and give them options for the future.  For example, a game of one-on-one, a bike ride or anything physical; a good chat about what was hard about the day; a creative outlet like drawing, painting, writing... Help your kids to navigate their big feelings without taking their behavior personally.

Wishing you balance,

Bette Alkazian, LMFT
Balanced Parenting
www.BalancedParenting.com

from MOMIPEDIA on Facebook

Overwhelmed?

I'm seeing a lot of "Mommy Overwhelm" in the past couple of weeks.  I never know why things come in waves in my practice, but perhaps the winds in Southern California have kicked up a bit of energy that's making people feel disorganized, out-of-sorts and just plain ol' "crazy".  The best thing to do when these feelings come on is to focus on self-care. A bubble bath, a bit of meditation or yoga, or some quiet time of just being still to shift the energy inside you from what is going on around you.  Be intentional about your self care because when you're settled, it will be easier for your kids to settle, too.  Om....

Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT, BCPC
Balanced Parenting
www.BalancedParenting.com

from MOMIPEDIA post on Facebook

Raising Teens and Tweens - what a ride!

As our kids become tweens and teens and head to middle school, the rules of parenting change. We go from very directive parenting to more of a guidance or coaching style of parenting.  We have to give our kids the space to figure out who they are, to allow them to make mistakes and learn recovery from those mistakes, and to try on new behaviors like new clothes and decide for themselves how those behaviors feel.  This is a very insecure and uncertain time for t(w)eens and they need us to love them unconditionally while they are behaving in most unlovable ways.  Avoid being critical at all costs while still setting limits and saying “no” when necessary.  Be consistent and keep your kids connected to family as much as possible. Hang on for the wild ride that is parenting teens!

Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT, BCPC

Balanced Parenting
www.BalancedParenting.com

from MOMIPEDIA post

Little Lies are a Big Deal!

Do you lie to your kids? Even those little white lies about the cookies being all gone or the lie that enables you to slip out of their rooms at bedtime teach kids two things: 1. That lying is ok; and 2. That you are not someone they can trust or believe.

If you want to raise honest kids, be courageous and tell your kids the truth, parent with confidence in your limits so you don't have to lie or justify your decisions. If you want to raise honest kids, be an honest parent at all times!

Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT
Balanced Parenting
www.BalancedParenting.com

from MOMIPEDIA on Facebook

How does that work for YOU? Parenting Self-Care

What works for you? We are conditioned, especially mothers, to give selflessly; always putting ourselves last. We end up exhausted, resentful and depleted in many ways.  Here is a new way of thinking in making your parenting decisions: How does it work for me? Should I sign my kid up for another activity? How would that work for YOU? Should I let my tween have friends over? How does that work for YOU? Cooking or ordering in dinner? How does that work for YOU?  We must include ourselves in the mix when decision-making. This helps to maintain balance in your family, it is one way that we take care of ourselves while caring for the rest of our world, and it also teaches your kids that you are a human, not just a giving machine that never stops!

Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT
Balanced Parenting
www.BalancedParenting.com

Never feed a behavior you want to stop!

I'm often asked, "How do I get my child to stop ________?" Whether it's whining, being disrespectful, spitting, whatever lovely behavior we want to extinguish completely, we have to stop feeding it. If your child whines to get you to do something and it works, you've just fed it.  If a behavior NEVER works, it will eventually be abandoned.  If it works once in a while or every time, the behavior will continue unendingly.  Here are a few phrases that will help you to get rid of those pesky behaviors once and for all: "I'm happy to listen when you use respectful words." (Then, respectfully ignore them until they make a better choice.) For whining say, "I'll be happy to help you when you can use a happier tone of voice." Never give them what they are asking for when they are using the behavior you are trying to get rid of.  Also, use a neutral tone of voice when you say these things.  Your emotion also feeds the behavior.   When they use a nice tone of voice, thank them for making a better choice and happily give them what they are asking for.  Give lots of positive reinforcement for the behaviors you like! Stay calm and consistent and those annoying behaviors will vanish like magic! 

Wishing you balance,

Bette

www.BalancedParenting. com

from MOMIPEDIA post on Facebook