So, who made some resolutions for 2016? I know I did! It's not just about the resolutions, it's about the changes in our behaviors. As they say, the road to nowhere is paved with good intentions. As a therapist, quite often I see people saying "When I feel it, I'll do it.". "When I have some willpower I'll lose those 15 pounds." "When I'm inspired I'll write that book I've been meaning to write." The truth of the matter is, the action has to come FIRST and the feelings will follow. Just start that project... just eat one healthy meal with no commitment to going further... just write that first page... Don't wait to be caught up in the moment, make the moment happen!
From MOMIPEDIA on Facebook 1-13-16
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Friday, January 8, 2016
New Years Resolution for 2016
Happy New Year! It's been a long time since I've posted here. I've been focusing more on my Facebook page "Balanced Parenting" as well as posting for Momipedia and doing lots of other writing. It's a new year and like many of you, I've made some resolutions! One of mine is "full engagement". It's my new mantra to remember to dive in deeply to whatever it is I'm doing. Full engagement in my work, full engagement toward my personal and professional goals and full engagement in my life, in general! Who's with me? I want to live smarter, engage more deeply in my relationships, honor my body and my "self" in a greater way... and so much more.
So, one way I'm honoring my work and hoping to help more people is to write here and share a thought or two in the hopes that it touches you, too. Feel free to comment, subscribe, or share if my words move you.
Happy New Year and let's ENGAGE FULLY together!!!
Wishing you balance,
Bette Alkazian, LMFT
Balanced Parenting
P.S. I'm also revamping my website www.balancedparenting.com, so stay tuned for the big reveal!
So, one way I'm honoring my work and hoping to help more people is to write here and share a thought or two in the hopes that it touches you, too. Feel free to comment, subscribe, or share if my words move you.
Happy New Year and let's ENGAGE FULLY together!!!
Wishing you balance,
Bette Alkazian, LMFT
Balanced Parenting
P.S. I'm also revamping my website www.balancedparenting.com, so stay tuned for the big reveal!
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Parenting promises
Yesterday marked a very sad day for America. A troubled young man entered a school and shot 20 six and seven year olds and 7 adults before turning the weapon on himself.
Many of us take our kids to school every day. We trust that they are safe there. The children trust that they are safe there. So, how do we possibly wrap our brains around what happened in Newtown, CT? The parents of Sandy Hook Elementary School thought their kids were safe, too, yesterday.
Where do we go with all of this? The grief is profound. Everybody - parent or not - feels a pit in their stomach and a pain of unknown location that just hurts and hurts and hurts. I almost feel as though I can't sit still, I can't find the right place for myself, I want to crawl out of my own body. I don't know what to do with all of this pain. I know I'm not alone.
As parents, we have to file this experience somewhere in our minds. Perhaps we could become activists for something we believe in strongly...gun control, mental illness education, media exposure, etc... In the meantime, how do we send our kids to school next week?
This is where parenting gets hard. (As if it weren't hard already) We have to talk to our kids about these types of tragedies (if they have heard about it). We have to speak to them in a way that is age-appropriate and not scary. We have to tell them that they are safe and we have to believe it ourselves. Shootings are happening more. The media would like you to think that they are happening daily in your town and every town. That just isn't the case. These are tragic and isolated events. We are fearful, of course. It is essential that we also be trusting, confident and filled with faith that all will be well.
Our kids need to grow up with a sense that they are safe and secure and that Mom and Dad have everything taken care of. This is the foundation on which childhood SHOULD be built. Terrible things do happen and when they do, we deal with it by teaching our kids the coping skills to move forward. These tragedies are far enough removed that we should not allow them to traumatize our kids and to destroy what I call their "veil of security". They need to feel safe so they can explore, grow and develop without the burden of worry, too. They need to trust that the world is a place they can trust and predict.
My professional recommendation to parents is this. Sit with the discomfort of this horrible tragedy. We can't make it go away and we don't want to suppress it so much that it takes root in our bodies. Feel the pain, share your thoughts with other adults, and be okay with the fact that life is filled with discomfort. This is an appropriate reason to feel it. Stay with it, accept it and let it pass naturally in time. Don't let it interfere with your life, nor with your parenting and allow joy to peek through at times, too. That's when the healing begins.
Many of us take our kids to school every day. We trust that they are safe there. The children trust that they are safe there. So, how do we possibly wrap our brains around what happened in Newtown, CT? The parents of Sandy Hook Elementary School thought their kids were safe, too, yesterday.
Where do we go with all of this? The grief is profound. Everybody - parent or not - feels a pit in their stomach and a pain of unknown location that just hurts and hurts and hurts. I almost feel as though I can't sit still, I can't find the right place for myself, I want to crawl out of my own body. I don't know what to do with all of this pain. I know I'm not alone.
As parents, we have to file this experience somewhere in our minds. Perhaps we could become activists for something we believe in strongly...gun control, mental illness education, media exposure, etc... In the meantime, how do we send our kids to school next week?
This is where parenting gets hard. (As if it weren't hard already) We have to talk to our kids about these types of tragedies (if they have heard about it). We have to speak to them in a way that is age-appropriate and not scary. We have to tell them that they are safe and we have to believe it ourselves. Shootings are happening more. The media would like you to think that they are happening daily in your town and every town. That just isn't the case. These are tragic and isolated events. We are fearful, of course. It is essential that we also be trusting, confident and filled with faith that all will be well.
Our kids need to grow up with a sense that they are safe and secure and that Mom and Dad have everything taken care of. This is the foundation on which childhood SHOULD be built. Terrible things do happen and when they do, we deal with it by teaching our kids the coping skills to move forward. These tragedies are far enough removed that we should not allow them to traumatize our kids and to destroy what I call their "veil of security". They need to feel safe so they can explore, grow and develop without the burden of worry, too. They need to trust that the world is a place they can trust and predict.
My professional recommendation to parents is this. Sit with the discomfort of this horrible tragedy. We can't make it go away and we don't want to suppress it so much that it takes root in our bodies. Feel the pain, share your thoughts with other adults, and be okay with the fact that life is filled with discomfort. This is an appropriate reason to feel it. Stay with it, accept it and let it pass naturally in time. Don't let it interfere with your life, nor with your parenting and allow joy to peek through at times, too. That's when the healing begins.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Some observations on parenting...
I have just returned from vacation. A much needed vacation, I might add. For the first time in a long time, I took a break from parenting; parent coaching, writing about parenting, speaking about parenting and even parenting my own kids. Of course, I didn’t stop thinking about parenting, but I guess that’s just how I’m wired. The break allowed me some distance and a little perspective as I traveled through Alaska and British Columbia.
I watched other parents – not judging or measuring in any way – just watching. Here are a few of my observations.
- We talk too much to our kids: We don’t just talk TO them, we talk AT them and we repeat ourselves over and over and over. Perhaps if we’re more succinct, we’ll hold their attention longer.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Ch…ch…ch…changes: Transitioning Kids to Summer Vacation
Change is in the air. School is ending, summer is beginning; saying goodbye to this school year and hello to something new and different for the summer.
Schedules are off. Swim lessons have begun. Siblings are at home who are usually at school. Some days we stay in pajamas all day. The routines have made way for willy-nilly “what-should-we-do?” days.
For some kids, the changes are a welcome respite. Taking a break from grueling schedules, alarm clocks and high-pressured school and homework feels great after a long school year. For others, the changes are stressful and upsetting. The structure of their normal routine is comforting and makes life predictable. Even in the same family, there may be two kids who differ in their reactions to these changes.
Our goal is always to teach flexibility and adaptability, but some kids come preprogrammed with challenges in this area or even an absolute inability to tolerate it.
The best tools for kids who struggle with the changes are:
Click here to read more!
Friday, May 4, 2012
Happy Cinco de Mayo - Celebrate your Victories!
Happy Cinco de Mayo: A day of celebration in parts of the U.S. and in sections of Mexico, especially the State of Puebla. From strife comes joy as Cinco de Mayo celebrates the victory of the Mexican militia over the French army at The Battle of Puebla in 1862.
Perhaps many of us didn’t know what Cinco de Mayo represented before now, but we celebrate together with our brothers and sisters from Mexico.
I love any reason to celebrate and especially love to teach my kids about different traditions and celebrations from around the world and the history behind them. Celebrations bring families and friends together with laughter and festivities – erasing all of the worries of life, for now.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Raising Optimistic Kids!
“Optimism: a disposition or tendency to look on the more favorable side of events or conditions and to expect the most favorable outcome.”
Few people naturally default to optimism and many people are actually annoyed by it. Those who believe everything is “meant to be” or “happens for the best” can certainly drive those crazy who believe only what they can see, hear, touch, taste or smell. Frankly, most people I talk to don’t ever give optimism a thought.
Lucky for you, I think about this stuff all the time! To self-disclose, I was a mildly depressed young adult who didn’t even realize that I was depressed because I never remembered feeling anything different. I entered therapy because it was required in my graduate program and the healthier I got the more I was able to see the contrast. When I would feel depressed again, I had little tolerance for it because now I’d had a taste of feeling good! Being depressed was no longer an option. But I didn’t know how NOT to default to it.
Click here to read some great tips to growing your kids' and your own optimism muscles!
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