Reacting vs. Responding

A life of raising kids is certainly filled with adventure! You never know what is going to come at you! The true test of balanced parenthood is being able to keep our heads on straight when times get challenging.  The key is to RESPOND to situations, not to REACT to them.  What’s the difference?  Sometimes, it’s simply taking a second to take a breath, let our anxious heads have a minute to settle in with the situation and then making a clear and concise decision about how to handle something rather than the typical knee-jerk reactions we are usually likely to employ.  But how do we do that when we are in the moment? The key is less in the moment than in other moments.  When we take good care of ourselves on a day to day basis – rest, exercise, healthy food, self-care, nourishing relationships, etc…we are more likely to have the internal resources to stay centered in a “knock-you-off-your-feet” moment.  What have you found works best for helping you to stay calm in those crazy moments?

Wishing you balance,

Bette Alkazian, LMFT
Balanced Parenting
www.BalancedParenting.com

from MOMIPEDIA post on Facebook
6-15-16

Talking to Kids About Terrorism

Terrorism and kids. What do we tell our kids about such horrible events in the news such as the Orlando shooting? Of course, only as is age-appropriate, we tell them the truth. There are people who hate and who want to destroy and do it with notoriety. It's is heartbreaking to know that some people don't value life in the same ways we do. We must talk about that with our kids and remind them that there are so many more good people than bad in this world. It should be a conversation that continues over time, but always remember to point out the good people who step in to help and repair the communities who are wounded. We all need to be those helpers and repairers.

Mr. Rogers said: "When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'"

Wishing you balance,

Bette Alkazian, LMFT
Balanced Parenting
www.BalancedParenting.com

Growing up and growing away...

Let's talk about separation anxiety - not just for our kids, but for us parents, too! Every level of development brings with it a new level of separation. Birth: we cut the umbilical cord and literally separate our bodies from one another; weaning: we separate from the closeness of nursing and have to find other ways to be close and to feel connected with our babies; preschool/day care: our little ...ones begin to have a life separate from us and we no longer know everything they have seen or heard; grade school/middle school/high school: all bring with them new and greater levels of separation; college: our kids often move out and begin to make a life for themselves outside of our homes. These are all healthy and happy separations, but there is a level of grief that comes with each stage for parents.

My youngest daughter got her drivers' license last week. She is a very independent spirit and I have hardly seen her in the past week. After spending lots of time together, she doesn't need me anymore for transportation or driving practice. She is also my youngest child and I have been experiencing a deep sadness that goes with this latest developmental stage. I'm happy for her and she's ready for this...I'm not so sure I was. I'm keeping the perspective that all is well and I know that each separation is healthy to prepare my kids to make independent lives - which I DO want for them! It's ok if I shed a tear, too!

Please share your thoughts and personal stories, so I know I'm not alone!

Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT
www.BalancedParenting.com


from MOMIPEDIA post on Facebook 5/25/16

It's all about optimism!

Let's talk about optimism and faith. So many people suffer today with depression. Inherent in depression is hopelessness. We must teach our children a sense of optimism, faith that things won't always stay the same, and a hopefulness in life and the future.  Talk to them about the impermanence of feelings and that there is always hope in the new day.  This basic knowing that, as parents, we can infuse in them with lots of repetition, can actually prevent depression in our kids later in life.

Here are a few tips:

• Practice gratitude daily either at the dinner table or before bed;
• point out the blessings in the challenges that happen every day;
• remind your kids that feelings are fleeting and what makes them sad today will be only a memory tomorrow. 

Please share your tools of optimism with all of us!

Wishing you balance,

Bette Alkazian, LMFT

Balanced Parenting

www.BalancedParenting.com

from MOMIPEDIA post on Facebook

The Guile of Guilt

Today let's talk about mommy guilt!  We have so many outside influences telling us we are falling short, less than or never enough. Our inside voices are even more cruel when we self-judge or experience shame around our parenting. Today, give yourself a break and tell yourself that YOU ARE ENOUGH! We are all doing the best we can.  Take one small step to do something you've been wanting to do, but just haven't. That will make you feel better that you are taking an action! Action is the best antidote to guilt and anxiety!  What do you feel guilty about most?

Wishing you balance,

Bette Alkazian, LMFT
Balanced Parenting
www.BalancedParenting.com

from MOMIPEDIA on Facebook

Manage your expectations...

  I often say to my clients, "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior." It's so true.  Often, we hope that people will behave differently than in the past, but we forget that it's very unlikely and we become disappointed and frustrated.  The best thing you can do is to MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS REALISTICALLY based upon people's past behavior. If you expect something different, then you are the fool.  If you put this into practice you will find that you will be disappointed by people a lot less often.

This is a very common way that I see people set others up for failure in relationships.  When our expectations are unrealistic, we become quickly angry and disappointed and really the person is being consistent with who they always are.

Watch for this in your own relationships!

Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT, BCPC

Balanced Parenting

www.BalancedParenting.com

#parenting  #relationships

from MOMIPEDIA post on Facebook 4/27/16

How are you inconsistent?

Let's talk about being consistent. What happens when we are inconsistent with our kids? I remember when my kids were little and I would say we are leaving in 5 minutes. Then, I would talk to my friends for another 30 minutes. Then, when I was actually needing to leave, my kids didn't listen to me and I got mad. I wonder why! Because I said we were leaving so many times before when we didn't actually leave. Why should they believe me this time? In what ways might you be setting your kids up to fail like I did? When you say something, follow through or tell them that the plans have changed. Kids need to be able to trust our words. Please share with us here how you struggle to follow through or to be consistent with your kids.

Wishing you balance,

Bette Alkazian, LMFT

Balanced Parenting

www.BalancedParenting.com

Posted from MOMIPEDIA on Facebook